Jinger Duggar Makes Eye-Opening Admission About Filming 19 Kids And Counting

Jinger Duggar has come clean about what it was like to grow up with a camera crew following her family around and the personal struggles that came with it. In a chapter from her upcoming book, "The Hope We Hold," that she and husband Jeremy Vuolo released prematurely online on April 28, she opens up about the trust issues and tensions she experienced when filming "19 Kids & Counting."

"I wanted to believe that my friends saw me the same way they always had," she wrote in the book's third chapter. "And yet, there was tension. Though no one said anything to my face, I knew some of their families thought it wasn't holy to be on TV, and that made me feel uncomfortable," she continued.

Jinger's mother, Michelle Duggar, encouraged her to remain a "sweet friend," which led Jinger to feeling like she couldn't fully express herself and her life outside of her family. "I found myself mentally editing my stories and leaving out major pieces of information as I tried not to make my friends feel less than or left out," she said, adding that she had to keep her lips tight about news like pregnancies if they hadn't been aired on the show. "Conversations with anyone outside my family left me feeling as if I were holding back, unable to fully be myself," she admitted.

On the flip side, Jinger knew being her friend wasn't easy either. Keep scrolling to learn about her guilt when it came to filming around friends.

Jinger Duggar had a reason to feel nervous about who she could trust due to her reality television fame. After all, her diary had been stolen by a so-called "fan" that her family welcomed into their house — as they often did — and her mother explained that some people her age could be jealous because of "19 Kids & Counting," which she noted in "The Hope We Hold."

On the other hand, Jinger knew it was no easy task to be a genuine friend of hers, either. While she admitted there were friends who seemed a bit too "eager" to visit her house while camera crews were there, she felt bad for the ones who were there to truly see her. "Girls I invited over for a cookout in the backyard might be asked to step to the side so they weren't in a shot. I felt terrible as I watched them sit in folding chairs near the side of the room instead of on a sofa, trying to avoid the cameras," she recalled, adding that she sometimes wanted to ask if the crews could go home for a day.

Although Jinger sometimes felt like he was a burden to friends, she is thankful for the ones that stayed by her side. "They stuck by me and my family even when it was difficult or painful, even when our circumstances kept us from being as close as we once had been," she wrote.