Kristi Noem's Fried Hair Extensions Have Us Hoping Her Curling Iron Was Stolen Too

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Kristi Noem became yet another crime statistic on April 20, after feeling a mysterious masked man brush her leg in a Washington, D.C. burger joint. Fresh from her victimization, Noem took to Instagram on April 25 to rant about the roaming gangs of "sickos" terrorizing the US. Thankfully, her terrifying encounter with the criminal underworld was much less serious, involving the theft of her purse, which, given the state of Noem's fried hair extensions, we can only hope contained her curling iron, too.

Sadly, however, it appears that was not the case. It did contain $3,000 in cash, though, which a DHS official told ABC News Noem intended to spend on treats and dinners for her family, presumably at restaurants that don't accept credit cards.

Noem's stolen purse fiasco clearly left her shook. She appeared on "The Vince Show" podcast three days later and revealed that not only was the masked perp's face covered, but it was covered by a medical mask, in particular. "That tells you everything. That's right. That tells you," she said. True to form — Noem used the theft as an opportunity to scaremonger and talk herself up. She said she believed it was a professional hit, which "tells me that this happens all the time to people and that they live in communities where this is a danger, and it reaffirms why I'm here." She added, "My job is to make sure that I do everything every day I can to make our communities safer."

Kristi Noem used her brush with crime as vindication for her hardline stance on illegal immigrants and deportation. She told "The Vince Show" podcast that she'd been feeding her grandkids and "enjoying my family," when the theft occurred, making her an easy target, "I think we need to be aware, but also be making sure there's consequences for people like that, that make a living off of harming other people. Amen," Noem continued, "President Trump recognizes that families shouldn't have to live with any kind of violence in their lives."

Noem's relationship with Trump remains exceedingly close. She never misses an opportunity to exalt and champion him in addition to vehemently defending his actions, no matter how problematic. And it's a two-way relationship (albeit not a balanced one). Trump's reaction to Noem's puppy-killing scandal proved he has her back as long as she continues to toe The Donald line and sing his praises — probably. "I think [Noem's] terrific," Trump told "The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show" podcast when asked about the shocking revelation in her book "No Going Back" that she shot her "less than worthless" dog, Cricket, dead.

Meanwhile, as proven in her April 25 Instagram rant, Noem's staggering MAGA transformation continues. Her fried hair extensions appear to grow longer by the day and Noem's rumored plastic surgery and filler habit place her firmly in the Mar-a-Lago face club.