The Tragic Truth About SZA

This article includes mention of severe anxiety and suicidal ideation. 

SZA's music has helped a lot of her fans feel seen, but that's not to say the star has always felt understood herself. On the contrary, between being excluded in high school and facing insane pressure in her career while facing immense difficulties in her personal life, she's gone through a lot during her time in the spotlight. 

SZA might be a huge celeb today, but that doesn't mean she was popular in school. In 2020, the singer spoke candidly to Rolling Stone about feeling excluded as a teenager. "I wanted to be liked and have a good time, but it just wasn't in the books for me," she admitted. It was something she touched on in an interview with People in 2023, too. "I was bullied because I wasn't quiet and I was awkward at the same time. I wasn't this tiny sad victim, but I was more so attacked just because it was giving 'What is wrong with you?' energy," she told the outlet.  

A heartbreaking scenario for anyone to endure, no doubt. Having said that, SZA also told both People and Rolling Stone that, in a way, it helped motivate her to push for the stars. Speaking to Rolling Stone of the trip she took with her mom over what should have been her prom weekend, she recounted seeing Lil Wayne at a club and thinking, "I don't have any friends anyway. There's nothing to stick around for. I might as well go chase more." As for her People interview, she shared a similar sentiment. "If I had such a fulfilling existence and experience in high school, I would've felt validated to the point where I didn't need to do anymore," she mused. Talk about finding the positives. 

Heartbreakingly, bullying due to her awkwardness wasn't the only hardship SZA endured as a child. She's also been very open about dealing with Islamophobia, particularly after 9/11. 

Speaking to Muslim Girl in 2021, SZA shared that she'd worn a hijab as a child but "stopped covering after 9/11 because I was so scared." In the same interview, she also shared that there had been times when she'd been chased by those she'd attended school with, who even snatched her hijab. On another occasion, she revealed, "Someone threw a brick in my dad's mosque." 

Sadly, SZA also shared with Muslim Girl that when she reached high school, she felt comfortable wearing a hijab once again — only to be bullied by peers who accused her of putting something on. "They were like, 'What is this? You don't live your life properly. You're not really Muslim. Shut up,'" she recounted being told. In more recent years, SZA has performed in a hijab in both Indonesia and Malaysia, and she told the outlet that doing so was incredibly cathartic. "It was really comforting to be able to cover up for those shows. I didn't feel like anybody would judge me or was going to say that I was being fake," she said. The singer also revealed that she was open to covering full-time at some point in the future, which would certainly bring things full circle. 

One thing SZA's superfans know about the star is that she has long lived with anxiety. However, far from trying to hide that particular part of herself, she's been incredibly open about living with the mental health condition. 

SZA took to X, formerly Twitter, back in 2020 to swear off interviews altogether. A few months later, she spoke to Wonderland, explaining the reason she agreed to it was because of the amount of control the outlet gave her. "When you don't get to decide how people see you, or what is even beauty to you, or anyone else ... Through the lens of someone else it can just get real dangerous," she said. It wouldn't be the last time SZA spoke of how badly the weight of others' perceptions and expectations affected her. Speaking to JD Sports' "Community Voices" in 2022, she shared that she believed the music business was "psychosis-inducing" for that reason. "That s**t is a head trip, and it definitely creates this weird bubble of, like, unrealistic expectations and kind of feeling, like, dehumanized," she mused. 

Unfortunately, not everyone was understanding of where she was coming from. In response to her X announcement that she wouldn't be doing any interviews, countless fans effectively proved her point about dehumanization by continuing to push her to release her second album. One even went as far as writing, "Wasn't nobody asking ... we just want music. Relax." Another earned a reply from SZA. After writing, "I love you but this mood you been in is annoying AF." SZA responded, "Euw ur entitlement is annoying. I don't love u. Peace," she wrote. We love to see her standing up for herself, but it's heartbreaking that she had to. 

Given how vocal SZA has been about her experience with anxiety, it certainly isn't surprising that she's also spoken about some events feeling overwhelming for her. One such event was the 2021 Billboard Music Awards. The day after the awards, she shared a carousel of pictures and videos on Instagram but added a caption to clarify just how difficult it had been for her to be there. "I hate being outside more than I can explain. I really have debilitating anxiety and I'm only posting these cause y'all woulda found em anyway. Thank you to my team n my mama. Least I'm alive," she wrote. 

Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the last time she felt anxious at an event, and speaking to JD Sports' "Community Voices," she revealed that she'd actually left the 2022 Met Gala because of it. "I snuck out the back as soon as Lenny Kravitz hit the stage because I was feeling very much like ... well, my anxiety was going crazy," she admitted. As for why she left through the back exit, SZA added that the idea of going out and being seen by all the photographers only made things worse. "I walked, like, three city blocks with no shoes on ... I just tiptoed a couple of blocks and caught a yellow cab back to my hotel because I was just overwhelmed," she said. 

Even though SZA prioritized her mental health by leaving, speaking to Breakfast Club Power 105.1 FM in December 2023, she also pointed out that it was a double-edged sword. In particular, she revealed that she was terrified of coming across as ungrateful for the opportunities she's got, which only added to the vicious cycle of being perceived the wrong way. 

If you or someone you know needs help with mental health, please contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), or visit the National Institute of Mental Health website.

Countless celebrities shared their heartbreaking reactions to Mac Miller's death in 2018, and SZA was no exception. The singer took to Instagram to share a very personal tribute, thanking him for the role he played in her career but mourning the tragic death of one of her best friends, too. "You were the first person I met when I moved here. U let me come over everyday and be whoever I wanted. Showed up for me in ways I can never express or repay. My gratitude is infinite," she began her post. SZA also shared a few of her favorite memories with the late rapper, from sharing ham sandwiches to him loaning her pajamas so she didn't have to stay in clothing too big for her. "I'll never let you dim in my mind or spirit!! Never EVER never stop honoring u!!! Promise to spread ur light forever," she wrote. 

In the years since then, SZA has made good on that promise. In 2020, she replied to an X post shared by mutual friend Thundercat, who had shared a snap of her and Mac Miller on stage and spoken about them being the family he'd chosen. "I love you both so much and miss my family every day," SZA gushed. 

SZA also honored Mac Miller's memory when she featured on his posthumous album, "Balloonerism." In addition to being included on the track "DJ Chord Organ," she also took to X to thank him again for their time together. "I love my friend I miss my friend. Grateful he saw something in me before most and treated me w love from day 1. Wish he could see how right ab everything he truly was," she wrote before urging everyone to stream the album. 

Sadly for SZA, a few months after losing Mac Miller, she lost another loved one: her grandmother. Speaking to Rolling Stone in early 2020 of her grandmother's health decline in 2019, she recounted, "My grandma was like my best friend. It was the longest five months of my life." It certainly didn't help that during that already difficult time, SZA was once again struggling with fame. Speaking of the ever-present public pressure she faced, she told the outlet, "I've been in the airport on the way to see my grandmother on life support, and [fans] are like, 'Aw girl, what are you doing here? Can I get this picture now?'" 

Without going into detail, SZA told Rolling Stone that she was no stranger to loss, but the death of her grandmother had hit her harder than she could have anticipated. "I've buried so many people in my life, you would think that I would be used to it, or just have a threshold. But my grandma broke the threshold for me. It was so weird not to have any ... I don't know, any control over anything," she said. Making matters even worse, a few months later, Sza's aunt passed away, too.

Understandably, she told the outlet that the losses had had a devastating effect on her and stopped her from making new music despite her fans' pleas. "I didn't want to make music ... I was just trying to not kill myself, and not quit, period," she admitted. In December 2024, SZA reflected back on her mental health in 2020 in an X post. "Grateful to be in a much better mental space now ... s/o to those days tho," she wrote. Here's hoping things only get better from here on out. 

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org