Royals With The Worst Teeth

The monarchy is often accused of being out of touch with reality and the lives of its subjects. Royals enjoy a life of privilege and luxury that few mere mortals can even dream of. Still, all that money, all that pomp, pageantry, adoration, and attention, yet they appear incapable of scheduling a trip to the dentist.

It's evident that regular brushing and flossing aren't among the seemingly never-ending list of strict rules the royals have to follow. Frightening fangs almost seem a prerequisite for joining the ranks of the nobility. That could be why the sparkly-toothed Meghan, Duchess of Sussex's royal experience was so spine-chilling. Well, that and good old aristocratic snobbery interlaced with a massive dose of racism — allegedly.

The Brits have a rep for bad teeth. However, let's face it: As anybody who has watched an episode of "The Jerry Springer Show" should know, they don't have a global monopoly on dodgy dentistry. Plus, there's a plethora of celebs with the worst teeth imaginable — from all continents. Still, given the intense spotlight under which the monarchy is forced to live, you'd think they'd invest in a toothbrush at least. Not so, though. Royals from all around the world have a history of dental disasters dating back centuries. From Elizabeth, the Queen Mother's gnarly gnashers to Mohamed bin Zayed Al Nahyan's tombstone teeth to the horrors of the Tudor dynasty and their sugar toothpaste, we're looking at the royals with the worst teeth.

Elizabeth, Queen Mother, was known as "The Smiling Duchess." She was the first member of the modern royal family to smile in public. Once she started, it seemed she couldn't stop flashing her stained gnashers at all and sundry.

According to a dentist, the reason the royal's teeth were so bad was manifold. "It is highly likely that the Queen Mother grew up with well water; well water does not contain fluoride, which helps strengthen one's teeth," Dr. Chris Theodorou, the owner of Strongsville Dental & Laser Aesthetics, told Nicki Swift in May 2022. "... Fluoride makes the outer surface of the teeth hard and more resistant to acid and decay attacks, and [the Queen Mother], bereft of this protective element, suffered the consequences." Dr. Theodorou said bouts of illness could have also contributed. "The actual color of the [Queen Mother's] teeth may indicate that she was sick often with high fevers, which make the teeth weak and prone to bacterial attack," he surmised.

Meanwhile, getting up close and personal and experiencing her smile firsthand could be frightening for some. Comedian Dawn French recalled her reaction to meeting Elizabeth as a child. At the time, her family was residing on an army base that the royal had decided to visit. "It was horrifyingly scary. We'd done curtsying practice," French said during an appearance on "This Morning" (via The Daily Mail) in October 2023. French's excitement about the visit turned to horror when it was her turn to greet the Queen Mother. "A really scary thing happened: She smiled. Big, lovely, big smile," French recalled. "Brown teeth. Brown teeth. So, when you're four, that is a witch."

Queen Margrethe II's smile lights up the room. However, unfortunately for the Danish royal, it does so in a yellowy/brown hue. In fairness, she is 84 years old at the time of this writing. That said, her teeth have been the same unholy shade since her thirties.

The monarch, who ruled from January 1972 until her abdication from the throne in January 2024, is the third cousin of the late Queen Elizabeth II. Despite studying philosophy, political science, economics, and archeology, Margrethe took a creative path, lending her talents to lighting, set, and costume design and creating fine art, textile, and embroidery pieces. Her work is displayed in the National Gallery of Denmark. She's made costumes for the Royal Danish Ballet and illustrated the Danish version of J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" trilogy — under the pseudonym Ingahild Grathmer. In 2021, Margrethe worked on set production and costume design for the 2023 romantic drama "Ehrengard: The Art of Seduction."

Margrethe is celebrated for her quirky dress sense. In a far cry from the drab and dreary, no-nonsense puffy jackets, headscarves, and sensible walking shoes preferred by Elizabeth, Margrethe favors bright colors and vivid designs. She once wore a floral raincoat that was an explosion of colors with a matching yellow hat. She designed and made the mac herself out of plastic tablecloth material. "The royal's recent abdication is a loss for her subjects and fashion journalists alike," The Telegraph lamented following Margrethe's decision to step down from the throne.

King Charles III continues the British royal tradition of housing a mouth full of stained, uneven teeth. The monarch was 73 when he ascended the throne following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, and he's been beset by ill health from the get-go. Poor Charles will likely be remembered for the Diana, Princess of Wales, and Queen Camilla scandal rather than his reign. However, he deserves to be memorialized for his gnarly gnashers, too — they're on par with those of his grandma, Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. Quite an achievement.

Fitting with the Brits' famous sense of humor, Charles is the patron of the British Dental Association. Yep, you truly couldn't make that up. "We are privileged to share news that His Majesty King Charles III is our new Patron," the BDA captioned a pic of Charles (not smiling with teeth, for obvious reasons) on X, formerly Twitter, in May 2024. "HM Queen Elizabeth II served in this role for many decades. HRH The Late Duke of Edinburgh was an honorary member and our past president. A family business. And a singular honour for us."

Charles' bad teeth are even more mysterious, given his diva dental demands. According to Christopher Anderson's 2022 tea-spiller, "The King: The Life of Charles III," a valet squeezes an inch of "toothpaste from a silver dispenser onto the Prince's monogrammed toothbrush" every morning. Unfortunately for the King, the valet employed to do the brushing appears to have been on sick leave for seven decades.

His Highness Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed Al Nahyan loves his camels. Like, really loves them. So much so that he's a regular at camel beauty pageants, and he splashed out a cool Dh15 million (USD 4.1 million, give or take) for his prize-winning favorite, Mabrokan. She lives a life of luxury in the UAE, where the head honcho's stables are packed to the brim with studly and shapely ships of the desert. "People admire him because he has an exceptionally good camel," trader Nayem bin Ali al-Ghalani told Arabian Business in October 2008.

Taking it a step further, Mohamed loves his camels so much that he even pays homage to their teeth with a matching mouth of misshapen and discolored dentistry. Going by his teeth's deterioration, it's possible the royal's breath also resembles that of his beloved humpbacks.

According to Confident Palm Dentist, despite its booming economy and high GDP, gingival and periodontal diseases are common throughout the UAE. Some beverages and foods that can contribute to poor oral health include coffee, soda, candies, and other sugary treats. Meanwhile, according to "Aesthetics and Ritual in the United Arab Emirates" by Aida Sami Kanafani (via The Zay Initiative), in addition to being used for decorative purposes, the traditional UAE face covering, the burghu, "shields against bad breath, hides bad teeth and conceals various skin blemishes such as wrinkles, pimples, moles and scars."

No round-up of royal worst teeth would be complete without including the OG of gnarly noble gnashers: Queen Elizabeth I. Not surprisingly, dentistry wasn't a thing back in the Tudor era, and teeth were viewed as purely functional rather than having any aesthetic appeal. That said, Elizabeth, who reigned from 1558-1603, was quite a toothy trendsetter by all accounts, albeit not in any way the modern world would like to emulate.

The British love affair with sugar really took off in the late 16th century, and Elizabeth was its biggest champion, something that was instantly recognizable upon meeting her. "Her Lips narrow and her Teeth black ... a defect the English seem subject to, from their too great use of sugar," German traveler Paul Hentzner remarked of the then-65-year-old monarch (via The National Archive).

According to Horrible History, Elizabeth was terrified of pain, so given the lack of anesthesia, she was understandably wary of dentists. When she refused to have a rotting tooth removed despite the intense pain it caused her, the Bishop of London gallantly volunteered to have one of his (healthy) ones removed to show it really didn't hurt that much (a clearly subjective emotion). Meanwhile, Elizabeth used sugar as toothpaste, yep, really. Dipped it in water and rubbed it straight on. So, it's little surprise her teeth were rotting out of her head. Still, her blackened smile became a hot trend, and the British aristocracy followed suit by blackening their teeth with soot.