Tragic Details About Elon Musk's Ex Grimes

The following article makes references to drug use and sexual assault.

Grimes burst onto the music scene for combining experimentation with genuine creativity. Grimes, whose real name is Claire Boucher, was daring, talented, and utterly herself. But her life — both personal and professional — has taken a tragic turn since. A lot of it stems from Grimes' relationship with Elon Musk. Her involvement with the controversial Tesla CEO has not only attracted unwanted attention but also driven many longtime fans away. 

When she walked the red carpet at the 2018 Met Gala with the billionaire, Grimes couldn't have predicted the public outburst. "It's sad how love can be this beautiful thing, but then love is the thing that's f***ing up my career," she told Cultured magazine in 2019. While in love, she also learned a thing or two about heartbreak and betrayal. As she was about to welcome her second child with Musk, he announced the birth of his twins with someone else. She ultimately forgave him, but the experience had a huge impact on her. 

The former couple has since broken up, but her issues didn't end there — on the contrary. Grimes and Musk have been embroiled in a messy custody battle that caused her to be separated from her children. However, Grimes had already experienced trauma way before Musk. She lost good friends to drugs when she was a teenager and survived sexual assault. She also went years living with a misdiagnosed developmental disorder. Grimes is certainly no stranger to tragedy — and some of it has no end in sight. 

Grimes and Elon Musk welcomed their second child, Exa Dark Sideræl, in December 2021. Because Grimes experienced complications during her first pregnancy, Exa was born via surrogacy. But as Grimes and Musk prepared for their new baby, Musk and Shivon Zilis welcomed twins together. Born in November 2021, Strider and Azure beat their sister by a month. This could have been the result of a prosperous, well-established open relationship, but that seemingly wasn't the case.

Grimes reportedly only found out about the twins when the rest of the world did. "Grimes was outraged," Walter Isaacson wrote in his 2023 biography, "Elon Musk." Though unaware, she was at the hospital when Zilis was giving birth, as she gone there to check on her surrogate amid pregnancy-related complications. Unsurprisingly, the situation caused a twisted drama between Grimes and Zilis. More than two years later, Grimes was still hurt.

When Isaacson shared a photo of the twins (seen above) in September 2023, she had a big reaction. "The situation utterly ripp[ed] my family apart," she wrote in a since-deleted tweet (via Entertainment Weekly). She later apologized to Zilis and noted everything was OK. "I now totally understand what happened and totally forgive the situation," she tweeted. According to Isaacson, Musk acted just as a sperm donor to Zilis, who became pregnant via IVF. Musk went on to have another child with Grimes in 2022 and another with Zilis in 2024, both via surrogacy.

Grimes and Elon Musk's on-again, off-again relationship seemingly ended for good in March 2022, three months before the birth of their third child, Techno "Tau" Mechanicus. In September 2023, he quietly sued Grimes in a Texas court to establish parental rights for their three children, since they had never legally wed. But issues soon arose. Grimes responded with her own petition seeking physical custody and joint legal custody, though she filed hers in California.

Because Grimes and Musk lived apart, they had to determine which state had jurisdiction over the case. Texas caps child support at $2,760 for three children while California has no limits. As it involves the world's richest man, the case was bound to be drawn out. And Grimes was also bound to be at a disadvantage, which she learned soon enough. On November 20, 2024, amid all the back and forth of the custody battle, she revealed she went five months without seeing one of her children.

"Spent a year locked in battle in a state with terrible mothers rights having my instagram posts and modeling used as reasons I shouldn't have my kids," she wrote in a November 20 tweet, pointing out she's putting up a fight with a "fraction of his resources." In the 2023 tweet in response to Walter Isaacson's photo, she alluded to the situation. "Tell Elon to let me see my son or plz respond to my lawyer," she wrote. 

Grimes learned she had autism spectrum disorder in 2023, when she was in her 30s and a mother of three. In fact, it was thanks to her children that she received a proper diagnosis. "I went to check my kids and performed worse than them on every test," she tweeted in response to an X user in August 2023. While her ASD diagnosis happened by chance, she had previously sought medical help but was misdiagnosed with restless leg syndrome and schizoaffective disorder, a condition characterized by schizophrenia- and mood disorder-like symptoms.

One of her main complaints pointed to strong sensory issues, a common characteristic of those with ASD. "If anything touching ur body feels like a million burning suns staring into ur soul with their eyes etc I'd recommend checking I suppose," she wrote, as the user wanted to know what to look for. At that point, Grimes had made her peace with her diagnosis. When a fan suggested that Grimes' fans were mainly women on the spectrum, she embraced the idea. "Now that I'm a few months into knowing I'm autistic (and no longer resent the idea), I rly have to say this is the vibe," she tweeted. 

That wasn't the case a few months earlier. After learning of her condition, Grimes appeared frustrated. "Everyone talks abt accepting everybody but if u aren't the correct type of neurodivergent ppl just rly f***ing hate you," she tweeted in September 2022.

Grimes used drugs in her early days to produce music. She even relied on them to create "Visions," the album that elevated her career to new heights. "I blacked out the windows and did tons of amphetamines and stayed up for three weeks and didn't eat anything," she told CMJ in 2012. She also described a drug-fueled work trip to Mexico City the previous year. "The promoters were these really cool, really amazing crew of super intellectual lesbians who ... did acid all the time," she said.

But she isn't proud of any of it — at least not anymore. She got so uncomfortable every time her old quotes about her experience with drugs came up in articles that she decided to address it. "I don't want that to be part of my narrative, and if it has to be I want people to know that i hate hard drugs," she wrote in a since-deleted 2014 Tumblr post (via AV Club). For Grimes, drugs have a strong association with tragedy. "All they've ever done is kill my friends," she penned.

In 2020, she revealed she lost a high school friend to opioids at 18. She largely refrained from writing about it because it felt wrong. But she did on the night of Lil Peep's death, when she addressed the opioid crisis in "Delete Forever." "I was just super, super triggered," she said on "War Nymph Radio on Apple Music" (via Daily Mail).

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

Grimes is a survivor of sexual assault, an experience that left a deep mark on her. While she avoids discussing the particulars of her case, she has been open about its shattering consequences. "It made me crazy for a few years. I got really paranoid walking around at night and started feeling really unsafe," she told Music Feeds in 2012. But she was able to use her trauma as a catalyst for art. Her 2012 single "Oblivion," which helped propel her into prominence, describes how she rose above the assault by tapping into her strength.

In the music video (seen above), Grimes puts herself in male-dominated spaces, like stadiums and locker rooms, contrasting with her pink hair and slender figure. "The song is more about empowering myself physically amongst a masculine power, and the hate of feeling powerless, making light of masculine physical power, making it jovial and non-threatening," she explained. By doing so, she took a world of men and made it her own. "I took a typically violent cultural situation and made it pop and happy," she said.

While Grimes is happy to discuss the song, she is in no way interested in delving into her trauma. She doesn't want the assault to be a part of her trajectory. "It would be intense if it were an overwhelming part of my image," she told Spin in 2012. But she also can't ignore it. "I needed to make this song," she said.

If you or anyone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, help is available. Visit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network website or contact RAINN's National Helpline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).