The Tragic Truth About Billy Joel

The following article includes mention of attempted suicide. 

Summer 2024 will mark the end of Billy Joel's Madison Square Garden residency, and once that chapter has wrapped up, he'll be headed to his palatial Florida estate. It sounds idyllic, but life hasn't always been quite so charmed for the legendary musician. From a devastating experience in his early 20s to constant feelings of self-doubt, it's safe to say Joel has been through the ringer many times. 

Though Joel became a major star in his early 20s, he nearly died before that could happen. As Joel and his loved ones recounted in Fred Schruers' "Billy Joel: The Definitive Biography," at the age of 21, the musician found himself in a situation where he felt like his career wasn't going anywhere, leading to an intense feeling of failure. That wasn't all, though: he'd also been sleeping with the wife of his best friend, Jon Small. Joel thought Small knew about the situation, to some degree. However, when he learned that wasn't the case, it became too much for him to bear. Though the friends decided to work through the ordeal to salvage their relationship, the guilt became too much for Joel, and he attempted suicide. Small found him, and he was hospitalized. However, Joel still hadn't forgiven himself, and not long after, he made another attempt.

Thankfully, that second attempt marked a turning point for Joel, and he sought help. In time, his career also shot through the roof. However, even with his success, he's continued to face some trials along the way. 

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In the years since his career took off, Billy Joel has gone on to become one of the best-known musicians on the planet. He even boasts the longest residency at Madison Square Garden to date, having performed at the arena for a decade. In short, there's no question about his popularity. Even so, that hasn't stopped the legendary musician from feeling like he wasn't good enough. 

Speaking to Vulture in 2018, Joel explained that that had played a very big part in his decision to stop writing new songs. "I couldn't be as good as I wanted and that was driving me crazy," he said. In the same interview, Joel also admitted that his constant quest to be a better songwriter had even contributed to heavy drinking. "I would drink to try and ease the pain of not being as good as I wanted to be," he mused. 

Songwriting isn't the only thing for which Joel has criticized of himself in the past. In "Billy Joel: The Definitive Biography," he told Fred Schruers that the effect his 1982 motorcycle accident had on his hands wasn't of much concern to him. "People say I'm a good pianist. I'm not. For rock and roll, I can hold my own, but in classical or jazz terms, I stink," he'd said. Talk about a harsh inner voice. 

That Billy Joel is a tough critic of his own classical piano abilities isn't exactly surprising when taking into account just how passionate he is about classical music. He even told The Daily Mail that he only ever listens to classical pieces in his downtime, naming Chopin, Mozart, and Beethoven as his top picks. However, there's no denying that Beethoven, in particular, occupies a very special place in his heart.

Over the years, Joel has made it very clear that he's a huge fan of Beethoven. So much so, in fact, that in his 2016 interview with The Daily Mail, he quipped, "If there was a God, it was Beethoven." However, he's also said on many occasions that he wished he could live up to composer. He once told Vulture what would have made him feel good enough, saying, "My bar was Beethoven." Unfortunately, he found it difficult to reach that particular goal, and he also told the outlet that he'd never quite gotten over that, despite trying his hardest.

In light of just how important Beethoven is to Joel, it's fitting that in the final passage of "Billy Joel: The Definitive Biography," he spoke directly to his lifelong comparisons to the composer. "As much as I believe that someone like Beethoven will live as long as people listen to music, I don't know that my work has that kind of staying power," he said (via Internet Archive). Even so, he was happy with his contributions regardless. 

Every star has their critics, and Billy Joel is no exception. Over the years, he's admitted to using them to motivate himself. However, there's also no denying that there have been many times he let them get under his skin, too. 

Joel's Vulture interview shed some light on why he had felt so strongly about the way critics wrote about him. For starters, he explained, early on in his career, he felt they'd framed him as somehow deviant. He also believed some of the critics were suspicious of him, thanks to his piano training. Joel's take was that his piano was still seen as more elite than guitars, and as such, he was also deemed less real than someone like Bruce Springsteen. While, in retrospect, Joel isn't quite as frustrated by the jabs he received, he told Vulture that at the time, there was a much bigger chance of a bad review having a big impact on his career. 

Several years down the line, he's no longer as triggered by the critiques. In fact, in a 2015 interview with Entertainment Weekly, he even admitted that he'd placed way more focus on the haters than he should have. That's because, while he certainly did receive some unkind reviews, for the most part, he was getting mostly positive feedback. 

Billy Joel has been performing consistently over the past few decades, but before he dropped the single "Turn the Lights Back On" ahead of his Grammys performance in February 2024, it had been a hot minute since we'd heard anything new. In fact, the last time he released a full album was back in the early '90s. As it turns out, that's by design. 

Speaking to Vulture, Joel explained that though his final LP, "River of Dreams," sold well, none of the songs were particularly well known. "I said, 'What's the point of putting myself through writing and recording if it doesn't mean what it's supposed to mean out there in the world?'" he mused. On top of that, as Joel has pointed out to The Daily Mail, it put an enormous amount of pressure on him and his personal life to constantly have to deliver new music. "All you're doing is thinking about songs in your own hell," he said. 

Granted, that's not to say he isn't composing new music at all. Far from it, he composed the classical "Fantasies & Delusions" in 2001 — though as he pointed out in a video on his YouTube channel, he hired a pianist to play it, because he didn't feel like he was good enough to do it himself. Once again, though, in his Vulture interview, he hinted that critics had been harsh. Even so, his reluctance to release anything more wasn't because of that. "I just don't feel compelled to share what I'm doing with the world. It's for me," he shrugged. 

One person who isn't convinced that Billy Joel stopped making music because he stopped wanting to is his friend, Elton John. Speaking to Rolling Stone in 2011, John issued some very public, ahem, concern. "I always say, 'Billy, can't you write another song?' It's either fear or laziness. It upsets me," he complained. John also accused him of alcoholism, and attributed their cancelled tour dates to his unhealthy lifestyle choices.

Not long after the interview was published, Joel issued a reply. "I've worked with Elton for such a long time and I've enjoyed our relationship too much to let something as random as these comments change my affection for him," he said in a response published by Rolling Stone. Joel later threw some shade of his own in his Daily Mail interview, and in addition to saying John should think about putting a pause on his own music, rubbished the idea that his lifestyle had anything to do with the tour not going ahead. That, he chalked up to John's overeager agent wanting to add on extra dates — but noted that he had never signed off on anything. 

Even so, Joel reiterated that he and John were still friends. "I think at heart he meant well," he told The Daily Mail. Well, compared to the harsh critics and inner voice Joel has dealt with over the years, John's shady side is probably the least of his concerns.