The Untold Truth Of Mitski

It's almost impossible to open up TikTok, or indeed turn on the radio, these days without hearing one of the quietest pop hits in recent years, Mitski's "My Love Mine All Mine." But while the SUNY Purchase College's Conservatory of Music graduate has only just begun to penetrate the Top 40, she's far from an overnight success.

Indeed, the artist born Mitsuki Laycock independently released her debut album, "Lush," way back in 2012 and has since built a loyal, and some would say obsessive, cult following. Since then, she's released her 2018 album "Be The Cowboy" and 2022 album "Laurel Hell," not to mention her Academy Award-nominated contribution to the "Everything Everywhere All At Once" soundtrack.

But while Mitski's devotees no doubt already know everything there is to know about the star, there are many things about the singer-songwriter that the general public will have no idea about. From nomadic childhoods and film school ambitions to social media relationships and musical tastes, here's a look at her untold truth.

It's fair to say that Mitski's mother was determined that her first-born would become a Japanese citizen at all costs. She flew to the country from the Democratic Republic of Congo while nine months pregnant in a bid to secure her daughter her desired passport. In fact, the future pop star was very nearly born on the plane as a result.

Speaking to Loud and Quiet in 2018, Mitski revealed she can't quite believe that her mom went to such great lengths: "My mother... crazy. It was crazy of her to do that, to carry an unborn child in her stomach while she's travelling from Africa to Japan, give birth, fly back to Africa [...] And then, once she'd recovered, we just went back."

The "Bug Like an Angel" singer, however, doesn't see herself as Asian American. Speaking to Vulture, Mitski revealed that she identifies herself as American, and is uncomfortable with the term "Japanese American" because that would be infringing on the "history of internment." And she doesn't appreciate being included on person of color listicles either: "It almost feels like including me in that list is like, 'Look, here's a pale person.'"

Japan, Turkey, Malaysia, the Czech Republic, the United States, China, and the Democratic Republic of Congo — no, this isn't the itinerary for Mitski's latest world tour, but the list of countries the singer called home during a particularly nomadic childhood.

Alongside her younger sister and Japanese mother, Mitski was forced to regularly move due to her American father's position within the United States Department of State — one of the many fan theories online is that he was actually in the CIA. And in an interview with The Guardian, the "My Love Mine All Mine" hitmaker discussed how isolated she felt as a result: "If I ever found a place where I belonged, that in itself would be an identity crisis to me."

However, Mitski, who was born in Japan's Mie Prefecture, revealed to Entertainment Weekly that there was at least one surefire way of integrating herself into her new community: "I always joined the choir because that was the one thing I loved to do, and most schools have one."

It's hard to imagine an artist as resolutely independent as Mitski subjecting herself to the mercy of Simon Cowell and co. But she's no stranger to the talent show, albeit one staged by her Virginia high school rather than a big budget TV network.

In an interview with The New Yorker, Mitski explained how she hoped to wow the classmates she'd hardly said a word to all year with a rendition of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." But the big John Hughes-esque moment didn't exactly come to fruition: "When I was planning it, I'd envisioned it as much more cinematic and funny and grand. But the actual execution of it was much smaller in cinematic scope. I was just singing this melodramatic song to confused and alarmed faces."

The slightly underwhelming audience response might not have put Mitski off a career in music, but it did teach her that a certain route to success wasn't for her. She told Entertainment Weekly, "I wouldn't even get past the first round of 'American Idol.' I don't have that sort of technique. It's just about 'Am I communicating a feeling? Am I connecting with another person?' That's all that matters."

Before attending SUNY Purchase College's Conservatory of Music, Mitski spent a year studying film at New York City's Hunter College. But, she soon realized that her true passion lay elsewhere. Well, that and the fact that she preferred watching movies to directing them.

In an interview with SPIN, Mitski explained, "It takes so much to make a movie. Even more than making an album. So much more has to go right in order to make a decent movie. And I just don't know if I have the leadership skills to direct such a team effort. I'd rather kind of just work solitarily and make my album and then go back to my room and not talk to anybody."

Mitski, who counts British indie film "Beast" as one of her all-time favorites, hasn't entirely abandoned the drama world, though. She worked with Son Lux and David Byrne on "This Is A Life," the Academy Award-nominated number from "Everything Everywhere All At Once" and is also writing the music for a stage adaptation of Netflix hit "The Queen's Gambit."

Mitski is renowned for keeping her private life private: In fact, she won't even reveal her cats' names for fear that internet sleuths will be able to use that information to track down her whereabouts. But, there's a good reason for her reticence, as she explained in her 2022 interview with Vulture.

"The Only Heartbreaker" singer revealed that she was once left traumatized during her first ever European press trip, and has since made a vow never to be left exposed like that again: "I was nobody, had no power. And because I was nobody, and also because I was an Asian woman, almost all white men, one after the other, would say the most racist, sexist things I have ever heard to this day. I got a lot of sexual harassment. And it wasn't just one person."

Mitski went on to describe how she felt like a toilet during the ordeal, adding, "That's a situation where I kept saying 'yes' because I didn't know that I could say 'no.' The traumatic part wasn't just having things said and done to me. The traumatic part was me sitting there allowing it, over and over."

Mitski found out the hard way in 2019 that being in the public eye can bring about all kinds of far-fetched rumors. And for the "Geyser" singer, it was being accused of child trafficking. The drama began when an anonymous Tumblr user claimed the star had been involved in such illegal activity, with the allegations later spreading across the internet.

After communicating with the individual in question, however, journalist Peyton Thomas leapt to Mitski's defense to declare that the story was a complete fabrication. And pretty soon, the musician at the center of such spurious claims came out of a self-imposed social media hiatus to set the record straight. "I initially did not acknowledge the allegations because I feared bringing harm to a person who may be struggling with mental health, either by drawing further attention to them, or by involving myself and thereby giving reality to their claims," Mitski wrote in a lengthy statement posted on X formerly known as Twitter (via NME).

She continued, "But it became clear that I need to address this after learning from a child sex trafficking survivor that, because of these false and conflicting accounts, incredibly harmful misinformation about the reality of child sex trafficking is being propagated, and existing survivors are being triggered and re-traumatized by the continued and confusing discourse." Mitski went on to deny that neither she, nor the rest of her family, have ever been involved in such heinous crimes.

In 2022, Mitski bravely put her head above the parapet when she politely asked fans to the unthinkable and not spend every waking minute of her shows filming it for posterity on their phones. The way that some people reacted, however, you'd think that the singer asked them to off their own grandmothers.

This gentle request caused such a palaver online that Mitski felt compelled to delete the offending message. And in an interview with Huck, the "Nobody" singer admitted that she was taken aback by the response: "I've been away from social media so long, I forgot that on Twitter, our words are regularly misconstrued and used by whoever has an argument to make. People picked and chose parts of sentences that helped further their own arguments."

Mitski was particularly disappointed by fans who insisted they were free to do what they liked at a show once they'd paid for their tickets. "It does feel sad to be told directly by people I'm hoping to share my heart with, that to them I'm a product they have bought for the night, and they will do what they want with me while they have me," the musician noted. "It is sad to go on stage and now be conscious of the fact that, to some of the people in front of me, I am a dancing monkey, and I better start dancing quick so they can get the content they're paying for."

Mitski may be fond of lengthy album titles — see "Retired from Sad, New Career in Business" and "The Land Is Inhospitable and So Are We" — but the musician usually likes to keep things short when it comes to her songs. Indeed, on the latter album, for example, most songs clock in under the three-minute mark, with "The Deal" the longest song at three minutes and 52 seconds.

Mitski's brevity isn't a concerted effort to court the TikTok crowd, though. She's just worried about outstaying her welcome as she told The Line of Best Fit: "I don't think I have the fundamental confidence necessary to write a four-minute meandering song. Number one — because I'm impatient. But number two — because I've never been someone who is listened to. [...] I'm not a white guy noodling on a guitar for 45 minutes. No one would stay for me. I learned from a young age to be concise because there's a very small window for me to grab someone's attention."

You shouldn't therefore hold your breath on Mitski writing a New York Times Best Seller any time soon, either: "With novels it's about painting a whole story, but what's beautiful about songs is that you can show one little snapshot, express one little moment. I like the idea of painting one little picture and then moving on, instead of showing the full movie."

It's fair to say that Mitski has a love-hate relationship with all things social media. During a 2015 interview with The Cut, the "Two Slow Dancers" singer waxed lyrical about how much she enjoys Twitter, Instagram, and the like, adding, "It's a great way to let everyone know I'm a real person and that I'm out there just trying to do the best I can as a person."

But just a year later, Mitski appeared to start weening herself off various platforms, starting with Tumblr. She explained to Brooklyn Magazine, "I started getting messages where teenagers would threaten to hurt themselves if I didn't respond, and I realized that I didn't want to be that accessible. [...] Sometimes [fans] think, 'Me and this artist are meant to be together. We're the same person.' And you have to know when to disengage."

And then in 2019, Mitski announced she was deleting all her socials while promoting her latest tour and has largely managed to stay off them ever since. Ironically, it was around this time that the musician began blowing up on the latest platform to shake up the industry, with the Mitski hashtag amassing more than a billion views. She later told The New York Times, "I don't get it, but it's nice! I only know what I've been told. All of the businesspeople are like, 'This is so great!' And I'm like, 'Please stop texting me these TikToks.'"

No one could ever accuse Mitski of quiet quitting. The "Cop Car" singer prides herself on overseeing every aspect of her career: In fact, she freely admits that thanks to all the logistical duties she's got to carry out, only 15% of her time is actually devoted to making music.

And Mitski's strong work ethic was vouched for by a fellow indie favorite. In an interview with The New Yorker, Japanese Breakfast frontwoman Michelle Zauner revealed how she was impressed by her regular touring partner: "There are still a lot of things that happen on the road that are not the most supportive to women in music. She'd go to the sound person, for example, and introduce herself and assert that she was going to be the one to talk to if they had any issues about tech. [...] I was impressed that Mitski took that on every night."

Speaking to The Line of Best Fit, Mitski explained that she has to consciously adopt a certain persona while working in such a male-dominated industry: "I have to make a really deliberate effort not to be emotive in any way because any sign of emotion is seen as 'hysterical' or weakness. No matter what kind of crazy s*** happens and no matter how I'm treated, just completely be 'business' and rational and icy cold."

As you'd expect from an artist now determined to keep every aspect of her private life strictly private, Mitski isn't someone for showing up at a red carpet premiere with a partner in tow. But in a 2018 interview with Pitchfork, the "Your Best American Girl" singer did open up a little about her relationship history. And, well, it was pretty empty.

While discussing the benefits of romance, Mitski said, "It's learning how to bring someone into your life, which I have never done. I had a really hard time wrapping my head around the concept of a relationship, because all my life I had this thing where I'd start to befriend somebody, but then we'd get into an argument, and I'd just stop talking to them. In my world it was a waste of time to try to mend a relationship, because by the time I did I would go away anyway."

That's perhaps why the majority of Mitski's love songs aren't actually directed at people, but her one true passion: "A lot of the 'yous' in my songs are abstract ideas about music. I will neglect everything else, including me as a person, just to get to keep making music. And even if it actually sometimes hurts, it doesn't matter as long as I get to be a musician."

While most musicians who move to Nashville do so to be closer to the official birthplace of country music, Mitski relocated to the Tennessee city because of something entirely different: its inherent weirdness.

The "Heat Lightning" singer, no stranger to setting up a new base having lived a nomadic childhood, told The New York Times that she does find inspiration in her adopted hometown, just not the usual kind: "There's always a woman crying on the street and five other women in matching T-shirts comforting her. It feels like such a good place to observe the human condition."

Mitski might love Nashville for its idiosyncrasies — she also referred to a native entrepreneur who gave his beloved Border Collie his estate in his will — but the place also helped to instill a sense of normality in her typically chaotic life. None more so than during the pandemic, where she developed a love of both baking and gardening. When asked whether it now feels like her true home, she replied: "I miss it now. That's nice, isn't it?"

With all the critical acclaim, ever-increasing chart success, and the TikTok generation in the palm of her hand, Mitski might now appear to have it all. But before she found fame, the musician found herself in some very dark places.

Speaking to Rolling Stone in 2016, Mitski revealed that while her outsider status has given her plenty of musical inspiration over the years, it's also had a detrimental impact on her mental health: "I've always felt useless. There are so many moments where I was like, 'I could die and it wouldn't matter. I should just kill myself, because what is the point — you're just taking up space.'"

When asked whether she'd ever been truly suicidal, Mitski refused to answer: "It's more a state of not taking care of myself — doing things and having the thought 'This is dangerous, this could kill me,' and doing it anyway." The "Love Me More" singer also refused to discuss this apparent inference to drugs, but did reveal that her creative pursuit saved her from the brink. "I just couldn't live without a reason. But when I started making music, I was like, 'This is something I can believe I was meant to do.'"

Mitski might now be the darling of the indie singer-songwriter scene, but she's not averse to belting out a bit of "Always Be My Baby" every now and then. "All I want to do at karaoke is sing Mariah Carey," she told Dazed in 2016. "I can hear a vocal riff without any lyrics and know exactly what song it's from."

Although Mitski's Lamb status will come as a surprise to many, she has often aligned herself with the world of mainstream pop. She supported Harry Styles on his stadium tour, for one thing, and has covered One Direction's "Fireproof" and Calvin Harris' "How Deep Is Your Love" for another. Of course, this all makes sense when you take into consideration the musician's nomadic background. "I created this romanticized America in my head," Mitski once admitted to Rolling Stone. "The only access I had to America was 'The Simpsons,' Britney Spears, *NSYNC, and teen movies: We had a tape of 'The Breakfast Club' I watched religiously." 

But while she enjoyed listening to the sounds of the Top 40, a young Mitski soon realized that she couldn't possibly make it, telling Complex, "I didn't know anything about music production. But the early aughts pop music is expensively made. It's not something you could just make on your own. Right there it just was inaccessible. It's like, I don't know how to make this."