What Really Put A Strain On Barack And Michelle Obama's Marriage

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama have stayed together through thick and thin. Throughout the years, the famous couple has opened up about their ups and downs, all while sharing the lessons they've learned. In a 2022 interview with NPR, Michelle said, "If I look over my marriage, if I were to judge it in year five or year ten, there was never 50/50. Somebody was always giving way more. Someone always needed a different kind of thing. You have to evolve with it." She added that making compromises is a natural part of relationships.

Michelle and Barack know a thing or two about long-term relationships, as the pair has been married since 1992, per Brides. Four years into their marriage, Barack was elected to the Illinois State Senate. It's no secret that Barack found tremendous success in politics, as he won the presidency in 2008. In his acceptance speech, Barack expressed the utmost gratitude for his wife. He said, "I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next first lady, Michelle Obama." While the couple continued to support each other throughout Barack's presidency, their marriage also suffered during that time.

In a May 2023 conversation with CBS Mornings' host Nate Burleson, Barack Obama described his past marital challenges. Burleson asked Barack about some candid remarks Michelle Obama had previously made during a 2022 interview with Revolt (via People), where the former first lady said, "People think I'm being catty by saying this — it's like, there were 10 years where I couldn't stand my husband." Michelle added that this tough time occurred when their daughters, Malia Obama and Sasha Obama, were little.

Regarding Michelle's comments, Barack replied, "It sure helps to be out of the White House." The former president explained that he was not completely cognizant of the tremendous pressures that Michelle faced as a mother and first lady. Raising daughters in this abnormal, scrutinizing environment generated a great deal of stress. Barack shared, "Now that they're doing good, she is a little more forgiving of all my flaws. What she's told me is, you know, 'Looking back, you did okay as a dad.' And if I passed that test, then she'll forgive me most of my other foibles."

On numerous occasions, Barack Obama has discussed how his time in office adversely affected his and Michelle Obama's marriage. In his memoir "A Promised Land" (via People), Barack revealed that his presidential term took a toll on Michelle's emotional state. At the White House, he noticed an "undercurrent of tension in her, subtle but constant" and a "loneliness" that made him deeply concerned. While their love was dim, the couple bounced back after his presidency. "It was like a big exhale right after we left office," he told People. Barack noted that Michelle "has been more relaxed and more joyful since we left office." He added, "That allowed us to just enjoy the deep love that comes with a marriage this long. But also to be friends again."

Barack and Michelle have found ways to work through their conflicts and improve their relationship. In a 2018 appearance on "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon," Michelle discussed her memoir "Becoming," which included a section about going to marriage counseling. The experience was humbling for the former first lady, who half-joked about the counselor remedying her husband. She shared, "But marriage counseling was a turning point for me, understanding that it wasn't up to my husband to make me happy, that I had to learn how to fill myself up, and how to put myself higher on my priority list." Michelle explained that marriage, no matter how strong, takes work.