The Royal Family Ranked By Shadiness

The following article contains references to racism, sexual assault allegations, and eating disorders.

Royal admirers perceive the institution as a beacon of refinement and stability in the face of a chaotic and ever-changing world. However, critics argue that the royal family has long been a hotbed of shadiness. In April 2023, discord rocked The Firm following an exposé by The Guardian into its links to the slave trade, shining a decidedly different light onto the seemingly benevolent Windsor clan. The revelations detail the dark colonialist history of Prince William's residence, Kensington Palace, which was built by William III, a royal who profited from the transatlantic slave trade. Subsequently, the long-venerated dynasty has come under intense public scrutiny. Though King Charles III and Prince William have labeled slavery as abhorrent and have acquiesced to an inquiry spearheaded by the Arts and Humanities Research Council, many argue that these revelations are reflective of some sketchy behavior that has been prevalent throughout the entirety of the Windsor family timeline — even if said impropriety is often kept under wraps.

As we usher in the era of King Charles, only time will tell whether the erstwhile Prince of Wales will truly modernize the institution (as he has promised) or whether he will continue to perpetuate its aforementioned problematic past. But truth be told, shade seems to be in the Windsor DNA, with each of the veritable family members exhibiting varying degrees of sus behavior.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the shadiest of them all? From offensive microaggressions and bullying claims to alleged hush money and even potential treason, let's rank the royal family members by shadiness.

Although she has long been characterized as one of the shadiest royals, the tea on Meghan Markle is surprisingly weak compared to other members of The Firm. Critics argue that the hate Markle receives is rooted in dog-whistle racism, whereby she's perceived as an interloper into the British royal family. Subsequently, Markle ranks low on this list, though the timeline of her romance with Prince Harry seems somewhat sketchy.

When she went on her first date with Harry in 2016, Markle was allegedly still dating her boyfriend, chef Cory Vitiello. A source who chatted to The Telegraph insinuated that this was the case, but declined to comment on the matter. The royal pair's romance first became headline news in October of that year. However, in an interview with Vanity Fair in 2017, Markle painted a very different timeline of her relationship with the prince. "We're two people who are really happy and in love. We were very quietly dating for about six months before it became news," she said. This would mean that they first began dating in April 2016, when Markle was still reportedly in a relationship with Vitiello.

According to the book "Revenge," Markle allegedly sought out a romance with Harry deliberately despite dating Vitiello, supposedly seeing the royal as a meal ticket. However, such assertions seem dubious at best and are in stark contrast to Harry's own recollection of meeting his wife. According to the prince, he first fell for Markle after seeing her photo on Instagram.

In his youth, Prince Harry was known as being somewhat of a hellraiser. He frequently found himself a tabloid staple due to tales of his supposed hard partying ways. Infamously, he donned a Nazi uniform at a costume party in 2005, an act that cemented his status as a contentious figure within the royal family. However, he has since expressed remorse over the costume. And in doing so, he has dragged his family into the furor.

Ever since he left royal duties behind, Harry has been spilling the tea on his relatives, and fans are living for it. Accordingly, in his memoir "Spare," he claimed that it was Prince William and Kate Middleton who encouraged him to sport the offensive attire. Harry recalled preparing for the party and being unsure as to which costume he should rent: a pilot's uniform or Nazi regalia. "I phoned Willy and Kate, asked what they thought," he wrote. "Nazi uniform, they said. ... They both howled. Worse than Willy's leotard outfit! Way more ridiculous! Which, again, was the point." Despite the uniform supposedly being his brother and future sister-in-law's idea, Harry acknowledged that he was deserving of the public backlash that followed.

Additionally, he made other eye-popping (not to mention shady) revelations in his memoir. While on duty in Afghanistan, Harry revealed, he killed 25 enemy combatants. He was heavily criticized for his actions, with some critics accusing him of utilizing discourse that dehumanized Afghan soldiers.

Of all Queen Elizabeth II's children, Prince Edward has long seemed the odd one out. A failed film producer and TV personality (the less said about "It's a Royal Knockout," the better), he caused controversy in 2001 when his production company filmed Prince William at school without his consent. Since then, Edward has been somewhat of an aimless figure in the family. That doesn't mean that he isn't able to fill his free time with plenty of jet-setting and frolicking, however. And in doing so, he has racked up a hefty bill for the British taxpayer.

It seems that Edward's carbon footprint is less a footprint and more a gaping crack in the ozone. Rather than drive or take public transport, the prince is apparently content to collect air miles, having reportedly used a private helicopter for 80-minute trips, at a cost of £3,000 (around $3,700) to the public purse, according to the Daily Mail. Moreover, he inexplicably decided to fly from Staffordshire to Bournemouth, which are a mere 150 miles apart, during a reported jet-setting day that amounted to a £10,000 ($12,400) bill for the British public. 

"We need to look more seriously at the extravagance of the royals," argued anti-monarchy campaigner Graham Smith in 2018, per Express. "He should be taking public transport or cars at a fraction of the cost." However, reps for the prince contended that he had no choice other than fly by private jet, since opting for public transport would supposedly cause too much disruption to commuters.

In contrast to her siblings, who generate considerable media attention, Princess Anne has been somewhat of a stoic figure in the royal family. Nevertheless, she has been involved in some startlingly shady antics — thanks to her dogs. 

Unlike her late mother, who adored corgis, Anne adopted boisterous English bull terriers. In 2002, one of the princess' dogs, Dotty, attacked two children, resulting in the youngsters being traumatized. Though Anne was handed a £500 ($621) fine and paid that same amount in compensation to the victims, the relatives of the children felt that the royal was being let off the hook due to her regal status. "We do not think justice has been done. The dog is still free and is a danger to society," the family said, per BBC News.

The terror of the terriers did not stop there: Anne's dog ended up killing one of the queen's beloved corgis, Pharos, the following year. To make a harrowing situation even worse, the tragedy occurred around Christmastime, and Queen Elizabeth had prepared a festive stocking for her furbaby. "Pharos is one of her oldest dogs and was always at his mistress's feet," an insider told the Daily Mail. "The loss is going to be immense." It seems that Anne's pups are in serious need of anger management. Soon after this incident, another pooch admittedly bit a royal maid, and in 2023, one of Princess Anne's terriers was reportedly involved in yet another attack, savaging a dog on boxing day.

Sarah Ferguson doesn't exactly have a squeaky-clean rep. She first generated controversy amid the infamous toe-sucking scandal of 1992, in which she was snapped laying topless on a beach with her extramarital lover, who nibbled on her toes. Since then, her finances have come under significant public scrutiny.

For many years, Fergie was deep in debt. In 2010, she attempted to alleviate her money woes by offering an ostensible wealthy financier, who was in fact an undercover reporter, unlimited access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew, in exchange for more than $600,000. The deal was caught on tape by the News of the World (via the Belfast Telegraph), with Ferguson filmed excitedly beaming as she was shown a vast wad of cash. "That opens up everything you would ever wish for," the duchess reportedly said. "And I can open any door you want." When the sting was made public, she expressed regret for the humiliating gaffe.

Eventually, Fergie was able to pay off her debts — with the help of Jeffrey Epstein. She accepted a considerable sum of money from the convicted sex offender, something that she has since apologized for. "[I] deeply regret that Jeffrey Epstein became involved in any way with me," Ferguson told the Evening Standard. "I abhor pedophilia ... and know that this was a gigantic error of judgment on my behalf." She did, however, concede that thanks to the payment, she was unburdened from debt for the first time in her life, but vowed to do good with her newfound financial freedom.

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Although the British press has long painted Kate Middleton as the virtuous and pristine princess, she's proven herself to be a seemingly shady figure indeed. At the heart of much of this shadiness is her relationship with sister-in-law Meghan Markle, with Middleton accused of subtly shading Markle in public spaces.

This alleged animosity came to the fore following Prince Harry and Markle's 2018 wedding, when there were reports that the bride made Middleton cry following a dispute over flower girl arrangements. However, speaking to Oprah Winfrey in 2021, Markle dispelled such rumors, alleging that it was Middleton who made her cry. Despite this, Markle was portrayed as the villain in the British press. "The reverse happened," Markle revealed, noting that Middleton privately apologized following the incident. "And I don't say that to be disparaging to anyone, because it was a really hard week of the wedding. ... I would have never wanted that to come out about her. Ever. Even though it happened."

A Medium essay argued that the initial public narrative of Markle making Middleton cry helped facilitate a racist hate campaign against the former, buttressed by the fact that Middleton failed to come to her sister-in-law's aid by publicly defending her against said hate. Moreover, the outlet alleged that "Kate weaponized [the notion of] white woman tears" to her advantage; historically, white women have been accused of putting on the waterworks when confronted by Black people as a means of playing the victim when they are in fact the ones who are in the wrong.

Despite being a seemingly benevolent figure much loved by royalists across the world, Queen Elizabeth II was apparently rather shady. According to eagle-eyed royalists, the late queen often used her colorful co-ords as a subtle way of side-eyeing her frenemies, seeing as royals have to adhere to a strict apolitical code of conduct. As Sali Hughes detailed in her book "Our Rainbow Queen: A Tribute to Queen Elizabeth II and Her Colorful Wardrobe" (via the New York Post), the queen appeared to shade Brexiteers by wearing a hat that clearly resembled the EU flag.

But Lizzie wasn't just adept at throwing shade; she was also involved in some rather sketchy financial dealings. Notably, she lobbied the government to keep her private wealth concealed from the public back in the '70s. She was also named in the Paradise Papers as one of several super rich individuals who hid their money away in offshore tax havens. Considering that the queen's money was derived from public finances, such revelations were particularly damning and in stark contrast to the personable public image she strived to cultivate. "Anybody who is putting money into tax havens should do two things: not just apologize for it, but recognize what it does to our society," said then Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn in 2017, per Newsweek. 

Similarly, there were reports that she paid over $2 million to help cover Prince Andrew's legal fees following his settlement with Virginia Giuffre, who accused him of sexual abuse. Again, such payments would essentially come out of the public purse.

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Once dubbed the most hated woman in Britain, Camilla Parker Bowles has attempted to rectify her less than favorable public image in recent years. Speaking to Anderson Cooper, Prince Harry attributed this shift to Queen Consort Camilla allegedly being power hungry. "The need for her to rehabilitate her image ... made her dangerous because of the connections that she was forging within the British press," he said, claiming that his stepmother colluded with the media to project a negative image of him, all the while portraying herself as virtuous.

The ire directed at Camilla was largely due to her affair with King Charles when he was married to Princess Diana. As Di famously once remarked, "There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded." According to the book "Rebel Prince" (via the Daily Mail), Camilla and Charles actively schemed to portray Diana as hysterical and unbalanced. Subsequently, the former allegedly came up with nasty nicknames to describe her lover's wife, branding Diana "a mouse" and "that mad cow." Meanwhile, Camilla apparently decorated her restroom with cruel caricatures of Diana. 

When the late princess confronted her love rival about sleeping with her husband, Camilla apparently bizarrely reasoned that she was entitled to an affair with Charles, since Diana supposedly led a charmed life. "You've got everything you ever wanted. You've got all the men in the world to fall in love with you and you've got two beautiful children. What more do you want?" Camilla allegedly asserted, per "Game of Crowns."

In 2021, The Times published an exposé into Prince Michael of Kent's close ties to Vladimir Putin and the wealth that he has allegedly acquired through his dubious connections to the Russian state. An alleged sting operation saw the queen's cousin and his business partner, the Marquess of Reading, chatting to undercover reporters who posed as South Korean business executives via Zoom. The prince supposedly boasted of his connections to Putin, noting that he'd been honored with the Order of Friendship by the Kremlin, and was subsequently caught attempting to sell the regime access for around $250,000. "This is kind of slightly discreet," the Marquess reportedly confessed. "We're talking relatively discreetly here, because we wouldn't want the world to know that he is seeing Putin purely for business reasons, if you follow me."

Michael was heavily criticized for his alleged attempted business dealings, since the sting occurred amid growing tensions between the UK and Russia over Putin's human rights violations and alleged involvement in the poisonings of British citizens. Marina Litvinenko, whose husband was allegedly fatally poisoned in London by Putin's henchmen, condemned the prince. "It shows you don't care about human rights, democracy, about the people who are dying in Russia or what he did to your own citizens on UK soil," she declared.

Responding to reports of the sting, Michael denied the accusations and later claimed that he wasn't an ally of Putin. Following the Russian invasion of Ukraine in 2022, he handed back his Order of Friendship, but did not confirm whether he would cease business in Russia.

While Prince Harry has generated his fair share of critical op-eds for his personal life, Prince William has maintained a relatively blemish-free public profile. Scratch a little deeper, however, and you'll find an array of seemingly sketchy behavior.

In 2020, The Times alleged that William had effectively bullied Harry and Meghan Markle out of the royal family. Although Harry denied the allegations at the time, he later wrote in "Spare" (via The Guardian) that William did bully him. In fact, he claimed that his brother's animosity sometimes turned violent. Following a confrontation in which William criticized his brother's relationship with Markle, he allegedly lunged at Harry and assaulted him. "He grabbed me by the collar, ripping my necklace, and he knocked me to the floor," Harry wrote. "I landed on the dog's bowl, which cracked under my back, the pieces cutting into me." Indeed, William had previously been accused of having a foul temper. In the book "William at 40: The Making of a Modern Monarch" (via Express), royal author Robert Jobson claimed that William has a short fuse that can switch in a matter of seconds.

In addition to the ongoing drama with his brother, William has also been accused of cheating on Kate Middleton. His rumored lover was Rose Hanbury, a former friend of his wife. In 2019, it was alleged that William's legal team threatened British outlets not to publish stories about the supposed affair, effectively suppressing freedom of the press.

Following Prince Philip's death in 2021, tributes poured in, with many describing the late royal as an eccentric and colorful character. However, this perceived eccentricity often masked a darker side to the Duke of Edinburgh.

For instance, Philip was known for his racist and xenophobic remarks. As detailed in the Independent, he'd been quoted as often making disparaging comments about Asians, accusing Chinese people of indiscriminately eating animals and using racist language to describe their facial features. He also allegedly made various ableist remarks toward people with disabilities, once telling a group of deaf children in the Caribbean that their hearing loss was likely caused by the sound of steel drums. On another occasion, he reportedly told a blind woman, "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" in reference to her guide dog. Additionally, he appeared to make offensive jibes about Black and South Asian people on numerous occasions.

Aside from his apparent unabashed verbal diarrhea, Philip also found himself on the wrong side of the law. In 2019, the then-97-year-old duke was involved in a car crash that could very well have left two women and an infant dead. When driving near Sandringham, he was supposedly "dazzled by the sun," causing his car to steer off the road and crash into another vehicle. Both women required hospitalization due to fractures and suspected broken bones, though the baby thankfully escaped injury. The nonagenarian evaded prosecution, with critics accusing the royals of receiving preferential treatment.

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Like her husband, the aforementioned Prince Michael, Princess Michael of Kent also has a number of shady indiscretions to her name. For many years, Princess Michael, whose own father was a Nazi, has faced accusations of racism.

When dining at a New York restaurant in 2004, she was alleged to have hurled racist abuse at fellow patrons. Witnesses who spoke to the New York Post claimed that Michael yelled at a group of Black people, "You need to go back to the colonies!" She apparently became irate because the Black diners were chatting animatedly. But as one onlooker pointed out, the establishment was known for lively conversation. The princess reportedly claimed that she actually said, "You should remember the colonies," though this hardly makes her remarks any less offensive. However, the initial account of the royal's apparent racist outburst was corroborated by the restaurant's owner, Silvano Marchetto.

Attempting to atone for her reported racism, Michael only dug herself deeper. In an interview with ITV (via The Guardian) shortly after the incident, she inexplicably claimed that she can't possibly be racist because she once wore blackface, proceeding to use an antiquated racial slur for mixed-race people in contesting accusations that she's a bigot. She also referred to African people as "absolutely adorable, special people." Yikes. In 2017, Michael caused controversy once again when she infamously wore a racist brooch when attending a festive luncheon alongside Meghan Markle. Moreover, her daughter's ex-boyfriend, Aatish Taseer, alleged that Michael named her black sheep Venus and Serena.

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Although King Charles' affair with Camilla Parker Bowles has been well documented, his ill-treatment of Princess Diana seemingly extended beyond his philandering. By most accounts, Charles was often cruel to Diana. When the couple announced their engagement in 1981, Di professed her love for her fiancé. Meanwhile, when asked to comment on his own love for Diana, Charles remarked, "Whatever in love means." The week after the couple got engaged, Diana developed bulimia, reportedly exacerbated by Charles demeaning her. "My husband put his hand on my waistline and said: 'Oh, a bit chubby here, aren't we?'" she claimed, per "Diana: Her True Story in Her Own Words." "And that triggered off something in me — and the Camilla thing, I was desperate."

In addition to being accused of mistreating his late ex-wife, Charles allegedly projected his anger onto his youngest son. In his interview with Oprah Winfrey (via Page Six), Prince Harry claimed that his father purposely made him suffer as a child. "That doesn't make sense — just because you suffered, that doesn't mean that your kids have to suffer," Harry said.

Since becoming king, Charles seemingly hasn't mellowed. Infamously, he grew irate and darted angry looks at his aid when he wanted a pen removed from his desk. He also seemingly shaded short-lived Prime Minister Liz Truss in the pair's first meeting since Queen Elizabeth's death, remarking, "Back again? Dear, oh dear." This was possibly in reference to Truss' previous royal meeting, in which she was ushered in by the queen just two days before her death.

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It's almost impossible to hear the name Prince Andrew without thinking of the myriad accusations that have come his way. By his own admission, the queen's middle son was friends with the late pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and his right-hand woman, convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell. Subsequently, Andrew was accused of sexually assaulting one of Epstein's many trafficking victims, Virginia Giuffre, when she was just 17. As Prince Harry wrote of himself and Meghan Markle in "Spare," "Whatever grievances people had against us, sex crimes weren't on the list."

In his infamous BBC Newsnight interview in 2019, Andrew attempted to explain away all of his alleged indiscretions. Shown a snap of himself and his accuser posing at Maxwell's house, he admitted that he could not explain the photo. He alleged that Giuffre's claims that he was sweating all over her as they danced at a club were false, since he apparently cannot sweat. This is in spite of the fact that photographs have surfaced apparently showing the prince sweating profusely.

Asked why he had to travel all the way to New York to Epstein's residence, which was home to many of his sex crimes, in order to break off the pair's friendship, Andrew reasoned that he did so because of his "tendency to be too honorable." Infamously, he also asserted that he couldn't possibly have abused Giuffre because he was at a Pizza Express restaurant in Woking on the day in question. In 2022, Andrew paid Giuffre millions in an out of court settlement, though he's since maintained his innocence.

If you or anyone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, help is available. Visit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network website or contact RAINN's National Helpline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)