The People Most Upset By Justin Bieber's Leaked Photos

Maybe you've heard the big news: in October 2015, a few photos of one Justin Bieber, Canadian pop-superstar and human-Truman-Show, leaked online. Apparently, while the Biebs was vacationing in Bora Bora, an unscrupulous paparazzo got his telephoto lens trained on the young man, snapping photos of him while relaxing in his birthday suit. But while it's clear that Bieber's anger has been exposed with these pictures, there are quite a few other folks who might want to hide under the covers as well.

Bieber's on-again, off-again, on-again, we-don't-know-what-anymore squeeze Selena Gomez is probably blushing now that her former fling's privates are public. There's been no end to the media coverage documenting the trials and tribulations of Selenin. (Or Justlena? Or Biebmez? Or Gomber? Let's go with Gomber.) As a result of their relationship's inability to disappear from the Internet's collective unconscious, we can't have a conversation of Justin's nethers without thinking about how this affects Ms. Gomez, too. Worst of all, Gomez's new album, Revival, came out on October 8—literally hours after Bieber made his unintentional nude online debut. There's no way she isn't feeling overshadowed by something so, er, small.

Where there's Gomez, there's Swift—Taylor Swift, that is. Selena and Taylor are high profile besties, so anytime anything might reflect poorly on Gomez, we know that Swift is already jumping into action, ready to help cheer her BFF up in any way she can. That might mean taking some time to add a few more pages to the Burn Book—which may or may not actually exist. Just a few days before the nude Bieber pics leaked online, gossip sites around the web reported that Taylor's Burn Book contained references to her enemies, including (but not limited to) Rihanna, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, and, of course, the Biebs. We're sure Taylor has already got the glue and glitter ready to go for new anti-Bieber chapters in the Burn Book—not to mention a new section devoted to Jayde Pierce, the Bieber's alleged current flame, and costar in the pictures.

About a month before the photo leaks, gossip sites reported the news that the most recent end to Gomber's relationship didn't end the communication between Selena and Pattie Mallette, Justin's mom. According to a report from Star Magazine in September, Gomez still makes regular calls to Mallette, a fact about which Justin was apparently not very happy. A source told the mag, "Justin flipped out, he had no idea they were still in touch. He doesn't want Selena and Pattie to be so close—it's weird." As such, there's pretty much no question that Pattie's been fielding phone calls from both Selena and Justin in the wake of these photos making their way online. And how about how she feels? It must be weird enough to be the mother of a genuine global phenomenon who's also kind of an idiot. How must she feel now that the world's gotten a glimpse of her little man's little man?

One would think that this new photo fiasco would have a definitive effect on Scott Samuel "Scooter" Braun, Bieber's manager and all around dude-bro. With this kind of publicity, there's no question that Scooter's eyeballs have literally fallen out of his head, having been replaced with dollar signs, and perhaps even other symbols of worldwide currencies. But no—Scooter Braun thinking of ways to profit off of his client's latest moment of embarrassment would be wrong, and gross, and terrible, all at the same time. Just hours after the photos leaked, Scoots took to Twitter to vent his spleen to the world. He wrote: "Privacy. It should be respected." And you know what? He's right! Privacy should be respected. Good on you, Scott-Scoot, for taking such a hardline stance against inadvertent hardline stances.

Not too long before the photos hit the web, it seemed that Bieber and his onetime mentor, Usher, were on the outs. Bieber told Complex magazine in September 2015, "I think people have been trying to do it for a while, making dance music, like Usher and all of those people, but I don't think it's been done in the right way." The comments started an inescapable firestorm of barely interesting commentary on whether or not the Biebs was "throwing shade" at the man who's widely credited with discovering him via YouTube way back in 2007. Whether or not the two are still as tight as they used to, Usher must be feeling at least a touch embarrassed now that his former protégé has managed to make the Internet grind to a halt with so little to show for it.

That's right, that monkey—the one that Justin had to give up in Germany when he tried to take the animal through customs in 2013. The capuchin monkey, named Mally, has since been living in the Hodenhagen Serengeti Wildlife Park, having successfully recovered from his time spent as Bieber's unfortunate possession. We can only imagine the pain and confusion Mally must be feeling as he surfs the Internet now that the photos are out there; his teeny, tiny monkey hands moving his computer mouse ever so slowly. His face contorting into a primitive scowl as he reads about his former master's carefree, nude lifestyle in Bora Bora. The shame and indignity he must suffer now that when people refer to "Justin's Monkey," they're definitely no longer talking about him.